Power Rankings 32-16: Week Dos

32. Dolphins

This is the worst team I’ve ever seen in my life.

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31. Giants

If your name isn’t Barkley you should be ashamed. Starting with Eli. Daniel Jones should be starting next week. ( I wrote this last night and it is already out of date)

30. Jets

The only way to explain this team’s MNF performance is that the team had a squad wide spin the bottle with Darnold appointed as the permanent kisser. Bell and Adams didn’t attend for personal reasons, and Gase is so hopped up on a mixture of Meth and Horse Tranquilizers that he couldn’t be bothered.

29. Steelers

Ben, Bell, Brown, gone. One of the greatest what-ifs of all time. 

And I know what we all thought watching this team the past two weeks. If they just had a corner. Maybe they could have won these games. What is Pitt doing?


28. Panthers

Cam is done. Now what? Burn this roster to the ground and if their name isn’t Christian Mccaffery. Jettison. This team is done.


27. Bengals

After a knock out drag-out brawl with Seahawks. The Bengals produced a dud. Taylor might be a great mind, but this team just doesn’t quite have it.

26. Redskins

If games were two-quarters long this team would be 2-0.

25. Broncos

They got robbed. Chubb penalty was cheap shit and this team should have won. But it isn’t like they outplayed the Bears with any significance. This is a bad team. And now we can see why it took so long for Fangio to find a head coaching job. Elway is going to continue his streak of finding a new veteran washed up QBs. He is salivating at the idea of paying Ben a 25 million 1 year contract and drafting another six foot seven quarterback.

24. Jags

Pornstache is my current rookie of the year. This team is the best 0-2 team. AFC South is a winnable division. Of all the 0-2 teams they have the best shot at making noise.

23. Cards

This team has some fourth-quarter fight. Now if they could just do that during the first three quarters this team might be a contender. Until that happens they will continue to be bottom feeders.

22. Bucs

Bruce Arians kept this fledgling roster alive. Even when Jameis tried to lose the game. Fedora man allowed this team to pull a mild Thursday night shocker.

21. Raiders

When this team went up 10-0 against the Chiefs my eyes widened. Then Patrick Mahomes proceeded to skull fuck this team with four touchdowns in a quarter. I don’t know what to think of this team yet, but by the time they get an identity, it might already be too late.

20. Vikes

Kirk Cousins, I had faith in you. I believed in you. I ranked you at number 11. You suck. I DON’T LIKE THAT

19. Saints

Brees injury hurts this team. Bridgewater didn’t play like the highest-paid backup. He looked rattled and inaccurate. Saints need to go 500 to have a shot. Luckily their division is bad. 

18. Bears

Could you imagine if this team had a mediocre QB? Why do I have a feeling instead of being the Ravens 2000 team, this is gonna be the 2017 Jaguars. This team needs to think about moving on. Cause the league has got this offense figured out. 

17. Browns

I don’t know if that game had more to do with the Jets’ incompetence. But I’m going to give my preseason division champs the benefit of the doubt. They get another test against the Rams on SNF. This game will tell a lot about what this team is going to be.

16. Titans

Mariota= Bad

Defense= Much improved

Overall= I’m surprised how decent this team is.






















Number 30: Josh Rosen

Number 30: Josh Rosen